Can you ask for money instead of a wedding gift?

Photo courtesy of tax credits


In modern day Ireland there are many reasons why couples would prefer to receive money instead of a wedding gift. With many young couples living together before the marriage ceremony, owning homes in negative equity, with job loses and pay cuts, reduced working hours, now more than ever, wedding guests are becoming more understanding and open to request for cash gifts.

Even the older generation who may have traditionally felt that a wedding registry was in poor taste now recognise the financial strain that young couples are under and are becoming more accepting and comfortable with the concept of giving money as a wedding present.

Some couples struggle with the idea of asking for money as a wedding gift, they ask themselves  "Is it okay to ask for money? Is it rude to ask for money? Will I offend people if I ask for money? How can I ask for money?"

but you know what....It is okay to ask for what you need. Most guest's are honoured to be asked to share your wedding day and they want to give a gift to mark this very special time in a couples life. They want to give a gift that will be appreciated, not something that will be hidden under the stairs for the next 5 years gathering dust, until you eventually get around to giving it the charity shop or selling it on ebay, or giving it to your mother in law for a Christmas present. If cash is what you need right now, then it's absolutely okay to let your guests know.

However, I still think that care needs to be taken around the method that you use to request money as a wedding gift. A note included in the wedding invitation with your bank details into which guests can deposit money is probably not the way to go! It's a bit too upfront and likely to offend or receive a tut of disapproval at the very least.

A much nicer way is via word of mouth, or to have a wedding wishing well or wedding card box at your reception. Australian's are a very straight-forward nation and wedding wishing wells are common at weddings and nobody bats an eyelid..

Below, are a few poems which you can include with your wedding invitations to introduce the subject to your guests.

"Dear Family and Friends,
Because we have been together for a little while now,
we’ve collected all our household things.
At the reception there will be a wishing well in which
we would love to receive your best wishes.
If you would prefer to follow with tradition and give a gift,
it would be gratefully accepted.
Most of all we look forward to sharing
our special day with you."

"Because we’ve been together for a little while now,

we’ve collected all our household things, before we took our vows.

If you were thinking of giving a gift to help us on our way,

A gift of cash in our ‘Wishing Well’

would really make our day."

"We don’t want to offend, but have it all
All household goods and so much more.
To save you shopping, sit back and rest

A gift of money is our request.
Don’t go overboard or rob a bank
Any little thing will be received with thanks.
We will supply the ‘Wishing Well’
No wrapping, an envelope and who can tell
Now that we’ve saved you all the fuss
Come along and celebrate with us."

"We love our family and what we share

Our home has been made with love and care.

Most things we need we’ve already got,

And in our home we can’t fit a lot!

A Wishing Well we thought would be great

(but only if you wish to participate),

A gift of money is placed in the well.

Then make a wish…but shhhh…don’t tell!

Once we’ve replaced the old with the new,

We can look back and say it was thanks to you!

In return for your kindness, we’re sure

That one day soon you’ll get

What you’ve wished for!."

"More than just kisses so far we’ve shared

Our home has been made with love and care.

Most things we need we’ve already got,

And in our home we can’t fit a lot!

A Wishing Well we thought would be great

(but only if you wish to participate).

A gift of money is placed in the well,

Then you make a wish…but do not tell!

Once we’ve replaced the old with the new.

We can look back and say it was thanks to you!

And in return for your kindness,

We’re sure, that one day soon you will get

What you wished for too."

"Because at first we lived in sin

We've got the sheets and a rubbish bin

A gift from you would be swell

But we'd prefer a donation to our Wishing Well!!"

"Now we are to be Mr & Mrs

We don't need a wedding list of dishes

we have two kettles, two toasters, two microwaves

We require a house for which we have to save.

If you would like to give us a gift,

A cheque or vouchers would give us a lift

We like to think of it as our 'Wishing Well'

Which will be filled with your love, we can tell."

"We've been together a few years now;

we have pots and pans and linen and towels;

we have glasses and toasters, really quite a few;

so instead of more gifts, we suggest this to you;

if it doesn't offend and it won't send you running;

what we would really appreciate is quite simply money;

we know choosing gifts can be such a pain;

and this way there is no chance of bringing the same."

"If finding a gift is hard to do
our wishing well is just for you!
A gift of money is placed in the well,
then make a wish but do not tell!
If it is however a gift you find,
please feel assured
we will not mind"